As futile as I know that this letter is, I still know that a small piece of you remains inside of me. Twenty probably seems like such a faraway and distant land to you right now despite it having crept up all too quickly, but you got there all right. I'm sure you're probably looking forward to birthday cake and playing with your new presents, feeling all very grown up now you're about to embark on your life in double digits. I'm sure being sat at your desk, writing is the last thing you'd ever thought you'd be doing on your "special day". But ten years later, you're doing exactly that.
Despite how naive and fresh you are now, it wouldn't shock you or anyone else to hear that the next decade will be an incredibly profound and formative time in your life - I bet that's even exhilarating to think forward to. All those milestones and experiences to power through as you get to unlock the world piece by piece. And you do just that. You learn to drive, you pass your GCSE's, you pass your A-levels and you even get into university. I could tick off for you now all your expectations; the partying and the boyfriends, the beautiful sunsets and unbelievable memories - and you'd be thrilled that on paper, your teens meet the criteria of what the movies told you to expect.
But what you wouldn't see, is the cruelty of reality. Naturally, hardship is a part of all of our lives and I don't think for a moment that you're not bright enough to see or understand that. But, in all your naive, unwise glory - you couldn't even begin to imagine the sick and twisted ways that life will laugh in your face. It will always come back for the last laugh, even when you think that it'd be impossible for it to become worse or that surely karma would have evened the scores by now. A hard pill to swallow is that life really isn't fair and karma is the flakiest friend you could ever dream of relying on. The more you dwell on the unfairness of it all, the more it'll plague you.
Not to fear, you're sat here with very little regret. Consequently, one of the few bits of advice I could give you is to spend less time pitying yourself. That, as well as to stop getting so caught up on the asymmetry of your face. Overdrawing your eyebrows and eyeliner ruined far more photos than a slight quirk ever did. Say yes to more things and be more kind. Smile a little more. The more you know, the more you'll realise you don't know. But these are all smidgens of advice that I still need to remind myself.
Regardless of everything else, above all at twenty you've become someone you never thought you would be - I don't think you could have even begun to comprehend a version of yourself remotely like this. But you've always liked surprises, so happy birthday.
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