Each future is fragile, a loose construct that can change dramatically at a moment's notice. Its volatile nature means I forget to look ahead to my own future; I rarely spend much time dwelling on what might be and instead my attention is captured by the now. But lately, with applying to university on the horizon, I've concluded that my faithfulness to the present is counter-productive. I think that giving some headspace to mull over what I'd like my future to entail would give me some creative direction to drag myself out of my recent dark, dingy pit of lacklustre. So, as a pursuit for inspiration I've turned my mind - or mainly the imagination - to where I hope to see myself in ten years time.
I hope that I will be waking up somewhere in London. Maybe a studio in Notting Hill or an aged terrace in Holland Park - either way, it'd be somewhere old, full of character and no doubt over-extortionate in rent. As long as my interiors aren't a replica of almost any Instagram feed and instead retains an originality which is intrinsic to the individuality of my own character then I'll be content. I'd like natural light to wash each room, illuminating walls dressed with all kinds of artwork from tapestries to a renaissance painting or two. No doubt my coffee table will be overflowing with books and magazines but I hope a modest number will contain my own works. I'm set on having a piano somewhere; I stubbornly refuse to admit defeat in learning how to tinkle on the ivories. I hope that despite a busy schedule that I have not resigned myself to eating out all the time and that my kitchen is well stocked with wholefoods and goodness with which to nourish my body. By now, I'd love to think that I've made peace with my relationship with both my body and food, that I'm no longer all-consumed with negative and unhealthy thoughts about either. I need freedom from food to not just live my life to its maximum capacity, but to also continue building strength through regular (-ish) time spent at the gym.
I'd like to think that I start my days early; maybe to take a stroll through the streets to the parks before the dizzying rush of the waking hours commences. I enjoy being completely alone too much to forego this serenity that is all too easy to find back home here in Wales. No dog lead in hand though I'm afraid, as much as I'd like to come home to a pooch to curl up with at night, it wouldn't be kind with the amount of jet setting that the different fashion weeks across the globe demand. I hope the necessity for travel for work does not make me lose my appetite to see the world, I still want to learn to immerse myself in all these different cultures to continue seeing the world.
I want to be challenged by my job, almost intimidated by it. The only vow I'll be taking is the one to pledge my life to my job and work through each hurdle in sickness and in health. I hope I keep my work to be ever-evolving and that I never become afraid to continue working to be the best, to keep innovating to improve. I don't want to be famous - I just want to be bloody good. To be known for my work by those who matter, to inspire designers to continue creating (sustainably) and readers to continue expressing their individuality. I hope that I can inspire those close to me as well as those from afar; educating without criticising.
I hope that I'm surrounded by not just other creatives - passionate about their craft - but also people that I connect with deeply. There are people in my life now that I still hope to have around in ten years time. I hope by now I'll finally have learnt how to stop allowing work life to consume all of my hours and to find a balance to nurture my relationships with those closest to me. I hope my free time is spent indulging in art and music, spending small change in coffee shops and bakeries. I hope the time I spend now trying to get to grips with 35mm film isn't wasted and that I'll be developing my own photos, documenting the beauty of the day to day.
I hope that I continue on my current trajectory of being true to myself, knowing myself well. I don't want to ever become someone again who is malleable by the opinion of others. I want my wardrobe to reflect this; I hope my aesthetic is never
swayed by trends - that I'll continue challenging myself to always retain some quirk. On a similar flavour, I hope I also remain kind and humble - never to let success (or failures) get the better of me.
I hope I'll have learnt how to make my own sushi by now (I know, I'm really setting bar high for myself now aren't I?). I hope I've let go of my silly hang-ups about my appearance, that I own my "imperfections" in the way in which I'd encourage anyone else to. God knows what colour my hair will be by now, I just hope I'm not trying to persist with the lost cause that is split ends. I hope that the skin on my feet will finally be as thick as my metaphorical skin and that shoes will stop giving me blisters.
I hope that I finally start to sleep well at night - and not lie awake as I am now - feeling the skin beneath my eyes form heavy cracks as I type.
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